A Promise to a Grandparent: How One Promise Kept Him Going

Some promises are made in a moment and forgotten by the next week. Others become part of who we are. For Jonathan Anthony Burkett, the promises he made to his grandparents in Jamaica became an anchor that held him through a childhood of neglect and abuse, and through some of the darkest nights a young person can face.

The promises a little boy made

Jonathan was raised in Westmoreland, Jamaica, by his grandmother, Lynn Burkett, and his grandfather, Arnold Burkett, whom everyone called “Doctor.” In March 1993, a few weeks after his sixth birthday, his mother’s new husband arrived to take him home to Miami.

Before he left, his grandmother told him to respect and love his parents the way he loved his grandparents. Jonathan told his grandfather, “When I come back, you better be here.” His grandfather agreed, as long as Jonathan respected his mother and father.

There were other promises, too. In his memoir Neglected But Undefeated, Jonathan writes that he had promised his grandparents he would never kill anyone. During a summer visit to Jamaica in 1995, his grandfather told him to go back to America, finish school, get a job and come home to take care of them. Jonathan promised. He wrote:

“Their happiness was all that really mattered to me, so I promised them I would and returned to America with the determination to accomplish those goals and become successful.”

— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)

When the promise was all he had

Life in South Florida was hard. His mother beat him and often denied him food. In November 1996, his grandfather died. Jonathan was nine.

The promises had already been holding him up, and they did not die with his grandfather. Around the age of eight, when he had suicidal thoughts, one of the things that stopped him was wanting to keep his promise to his grandfather and accomplish something first. When he felt angry urges toward his mother, he says the promise to his grandparents kept him from acting on them. And when he confronted her in his middle school years, he told her she was alive only because he had promised his grandparents to love and respect her.

In another dark moment he made a decision, with his grandparents at the center of it: “I had a grandmother who was still alive, and I needed to accomplish at least one success in my life. I also wanted to make my grandfather proud of me.”

Why commitments to loved ones can anchor us

Jonathan’s story shows something many people discover in hard times. When you cannot find a reason to keep going for yourself, a promise to someone you love can carry you until you can.

• It connects you to love. A promise reminds you that someone believed in you, even if they are far away or gone.
• It gives you a direction. Finish school. Get a job. Make them proud. Clear goals can light a path when everything else feels dark.
• It sets boundaries. His promise never to kill anyone held Jonathan back from acting on his anger, even when he was furious.
• It outlives the moment. Feelings rise and fall. A commitment stays put, waiting for you to come back to it.

How to let a promise hold you

You may have made your own promise to a parent, grandparent, child or friend. Here are some ways to let it support you:

1. Write it down. Put the promise in your own words and keep it where you will see it.
2. Break it into steps. Jonathan’s promise turned into concrete goals: school, work, success. What is the next step in yours?
3. Honor it in small ways. A call, a kind act or a day of effort can all count as keeping faith with someone you love.
4. Let it grow with you. Jonathan’s promises kept changing shape. After brain surgery, he told himself he would keep a new promise: to change himself.
5. Do not carry it alone. A promise is meant to hold you up, not crush you. Ask for help on the hard days.

If you are struggling right now

If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, U.S.). You do not have to wait until things get worse to reach out. If a child is being hurt or neglected, call 911 in an emergency, or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.

A promise still being kept

Jonathan survived seizures, homelessness and brain surgery in 2006. After the surgery, he decided he would focus on success and not on the past. He says he decided to write partly because he knows a bright future is what his grandparents want for him, and he vowed never to give up, no matter how hard the trials. In a way, every page of his book is part of that promise.

Think about the people you have made promises to, and let them remind you why you keep going. You can learn more about Jonathan on the about page, and find his full story on the books page.

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