“Bona Fide and Philosophical”: When Friendship Grows Into Love

Some of the strongest love stories start as friendships. Jonathan Anthony Burkett’s poem “Bona Fide and Philosophical” celebrates exactly that kind of love: one that began with a deep friendship, survived differences and challenges, and grew into something real.

The poem

An overwhelming ebb and flow of emotions
We feel as we hold one another and think back
On how magnificent our love has always been

A deeply rooted and well bonded friendship
Was all we had at first
To flourish, grow and succeed
Into what we have now
In what is known as true and abundant love

Accepting one another despite and in spite
Of our differences
We have shown how exhilarating and amazing
The ride can sometimes be
Even with challenges and obstacles
Along the way

We’ve had many, evoke a gamut of sentiments and thoughts
Toward our loving relationship
However, our thoughts for and about one another
Have never changed

For emotive and touching, our story have been for many
Having us then saying unto others
Comfort toward the other
Creates a profound bond between loves
Allowing it to gradually blossom
Into something deeply rooted and then
Cultivate into something beautiful

Heartrending yet heartwarming
Our relationship may be
For unceasingly and as one
We pushed our relationship to be
What it is now
Bona fide and philosophical

— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)

Friendship first

The poem looks back from a happy place. Two people hold one another and remember “how magnificent our love has always been.” The second stanza explains where that love came from: “A deeply rooted and well bonded friendship / Was all we had at first / To flourish, grow and succeed / Into what we have now.”

That stanza closely mirrors one of Jonathan’s best-known quotes: “The best foundation for relationships to grow, flourish, and succeed is a deep-rooted friendship.” He says it even more simply in another: “Strong relationships come from well-bonded friendships.” In the poem, friendship is not a waiting room before romance. It is the root system that keeps love alive.

The first stanza is worth noticing too. It describes “An overwhelming ebb and flow of emotions.” Even a strong love does not feel the same every day. Feelings rise and fall like the tide. What keeps the couple steady is not constant excitement but the friendship underneath it.

Accepting differences

The third stanza is honest about what every couple faces: “Accepting one another despite and in spite / Of our differences.” The couple still found the ride “exhilarating and amazing,” “Even with challenges and obstacles / Along the way.”

“Despite and in spite” is a striking phrase. You can accept a difference because you have to, or you can see it clearly and choose the person anyway. Good friendships teach that second skill long before romance arrives, because friends learn each other’s habits, moods and opinions without the pressure to impress. Friends also tell each other the truth, and that habit protects a couple later, when honesty matters most.

The poem also notices outside opinions. Many people have had “a gamut of sentiments and thoughts” about the relationship. “However, our thoughts for and about one another / Have never changed.”

Friendship and love in Jonathan’s life and books

Jonathan has lived the value of friendship-first love. In his memoir, Neglected But Undefeated, he describes a best friend who talked with him like a therapist during some of his darkest teenage years. He chose to keep it a friendship and wait until they were both older, because he saw that friendship as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

The same theme drives his fiction. His Friends 2 Lovers series follows best friends Claude and Kelly. In Friends 2 Lovers: The Unthinkable, they face tragedy together and find out whether friendship can become lasting love. In Closed Doors Open, they begin life as a couple while old relationships and a haunting past put everything at risk. In Unexpected Consequences, new crises test whether they can stay true to each other.

From the first book comes a reminder about patience: “Real love takes time to grow, just like how it takes time to grow from children to adults.”

How to grow love from friendship

• Stay friends on purpose. Keep doing what friends do, like talking, laughing and sharing interests, even after romance begins.
• Comfort each other. The poem says “Comfort toward the other / Creates a profound bond between loves.” Be the first person they can call on a bad day.
• Name your differences out loud. Talk about them calmly before they turn into fights. Understanding is easier when nothing is hidden.
• Don’t rush. A deep friendship is worth protecting. Let feelings grow at a pace you can both trust.
• Tune out the noise. Others will have opinions. Like the couple in the poem, keep your thoughts for each other steady.
• Keep your story honest. The poem calls the relationship “Heartrending yet heartwarming.” Real love has both. Learn from the hard chapters instead of hiding them.

Love that is bona fide

“Bona fide” means genuine and in good faith. The poem ends by saying the couple pushed their relationship “as one” to become exactly that. That is the promise of friendship-first love: when the feelings start from something real, the love can be real too.

The word “philosophical” in the title adds something more: a love that has been thought about, talked through and understood. This couple has learned from what they lived through, so their relationship is not only felt. It is chosen, again and again. That kind of love does not happen by accident. It is built, one honest conversation at a time.

If this poem speaks to you, you will find the same heart in the Friends 2 Lovers series on the Books page. For more of Jonathan’s sayings on friendship and love, visit the Quotes page.

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