17 Oct
2026
If you live with a health condition, dating comes with an extra question: when do you tell the person you are seeing? Too early can feel like oversharing. Too late can feel like hiding something. There is no single right answer, but there are ways to make the conversation easier for both of you.
This article is general information, not medical advice. Talk to your own doctor about your condition and what is safe for you.
A diagnosis can make you feel like a burden or like damaged goods. It is neither. You are a whole person with interests, humor, dreams and love to give. Your condition is one part of your life, and the right partner will see the whole picture.
Jonathan Anthony Burkett knows this from experience. In his memoir, Neglected But Undefeated, he describes living for years with seizures. His first seizure came at ten, his first major seizure at fourteen, and in January 2006 he had brain surgery to remove a tumor linked to them. Through those years he still dated, fell in love and hoped for a family.
He writes about a girlfriend who stayed with him when he had seizures in front of her. She would lie beside him until he came back to his right mind, and she told him she would always be there because she cared about him. That kind of response is what everyone with a health condition hopes for. It does exist.
You do not owe a stranger your medical history on a first date. Privacy is your right. At the same time, as a relationship becomes more serious, your partner deserves to understand anything that affects your life together.
Consider these questions when deciding on timing:
Pick a calm, private moment, not in the middle of an argument or a crowded restaurant. Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. You might say: "There is something I want you to know about me. I have a condition called ___. Most days it does not affect much, but sometimes ___ happens. Here is what helps."
Give them practical information if it applies. For seizures, for example, widely shared first-aid guidance includes staying calm, keeping the person away from hard or sharp objects, cushioning their head, turning them onto their side, never putting anything in their mouth, timing the seizure and calling 911 if it lasts more than five minutes or if the person is injured or does not wake up. A partner who knows what to do feels less helpless and more confident.
Then give them room to react. Some people will have questions right away. Others need time to think. Questions are usually a good sign; they mean the person is trying to understand.
Not everyone will respond well. Some people pull away because they are scared or unsure of themselves. That says more about their readiness than your worth.
It still hurts. Let yourself feel that, talk to a friend and remember that rejection now is better than discovering later that someone cannot stand by you when things get hard. The right person will not see your condition as a dealbreaker. They will see it as part of caring for you.
Be careful, too, of the opposite problem: a partner who uses your condition to control you, makes you feel guilty for needing help or threatens to leave whenever you are unwell. Support should feel like care, not like a debt.
A health condition affects both people in a relationship. Your partner may worry, feel unsure how to help or need a break sometimes. Talk openly about what support looks like, and make sure they have their own people to lean on too.
Keep taking care of yourself: follow your treatment plan, keep your appointments and let your doctor know about any changes. Managing your health is one of the most loving things you can do for a relationship.
Above all, do not let your condition convince you that you are unlovable. Jonathan spent years asking whether he would ever truly be loved. His story shows that even in the hardest seasons, people can show up with remarkable kindness.
Read his full story in Neglected But Undefeated on the Books page.
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