Healing From Heartbreak Without Closing Your Heart

Heartbreak has a way of convincing you that the safest heart is a closed one. If you never let anyone close again, nobody can hurt you like that again. It sounds like protection. Over time, though, a closed heart keeps out the good along with the bad. Real healing means recovering from the loss without deciding that love is no longer for you.

Let yourself feel it

The first step is the least glamorous: admit that it hurts. Many people rush to look fine. They post happy photos, stay constantly busy, or jump straight into someone new. Grief that gets skipped tends to come back later, often at the worst possible time. Crying, feeling tired, losing your appetite for a while or replaying old conversations are common reactions to loss. They do not mean you are weak. They mean the relationship mattered.

Jonathan Anthony Burkett knows this kind of pain. In his memoir Neglected But Undefeated (2012), he describes the night his first love ended their relationship over the phone without letting him speak. He gave thanks to God anyway, then dropped to the floor crying. He writes that he cried a lot over that breakup. Both reactions were honest. Faith and tears can live in the same heart.

Don’t rush to fill the empty space

When something important ends, the silence can feel unbearable, and the quickest fix is someone new. Jonathan’s memoir shows how fast that can happen: within hours of that phone call, he had said yes to a new girlfriend. Looking back on his younger years, he warns that constantly seeking someone to fill the love you lost can tear you down, especially if you let the wrong person in too deep.

A new relationship cannot heal an old wound. It can only cover it for a while. Give yourself enough time alone to remember who you are without the person you lost.

Practical steps for healing

• Create some distance. Muting, unfollowing or putting photos away for a while is not petty. It gives your heart room to settle.
• Lean on people who care. A friend, family member, pastor or counselor can help carry the weight.
• Write it out. As a boy, Jonathan found that writing let him release his feelings instead of holding everything inside. A journal can do the same for heartbreak.
• Look after your body. Sleep, regular meals, movement and time outdoors all help your mood steady.
• Look for the lessons, not just the losses. Ask what you learned about what you need and what you will not accept again.
• Be patient with the timeline. Some days will feel better and some worse. That is normal, not failure.

Remember the whole story

Heartbreak tempts you to rewrite the past as either all perfect or all bad. The truth is usually more complicated. Years after his first breakup, Jonathan learned that it had been caused by a false story spread around school. Even so, he does not erase what they had. He still calls her his first love.

He writes with similar grace about the best friend he loved for years. They are no longer close, but when they see each other they smile, and he says he still has love for her. He even credits her as part of the reason he is still here today. That is what an open heart looks like after loss: not pretending it did not hurt, but refusing to let the hurt erase the good. Holding both truths, the hurt and the good, is part of healing. It lets you keep the lessons without carrying the bitterness.

Keeping your heart open, wisely

Being open does not mean being careless. You can keep your heart open and still use wisdom. That means taking new relationships slowly, watching how people treat you over time, and listening when trusted friends raise concerns. Openness and boundaries work best together. If you catch yourself expecting every new person to hurt you the way the last one did, gently remind yourself that they are someone different, and give them the chance to show you who they are.

It also means holding on to hope. One of Jonathan’s sayings is a good reminder for anyone who feels love has passed them by: “You never know who’s waiting for you and you never know when love is coming your way or whose it might be.”

One day at a time

If your heart is broken right now, you do not have to decide anything about your future today. Just get through today with kindness toward yourself, and then do the same tomorrow. Healing is usually quiet and gradual, and one day you notice that it has happened. Celebrate the small signs along the way, like a morning when that person was not your first thought.

If the pain ever turns into thoughts of not wanting to live, please reach out right away. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, U.S.).

For more of Jonathan’s reflections on love, loss and starting again, explore his memoir and his Friends 2 Lovers books on the books page.

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