17 Oct
2026
Teenagers often seem to take their parents' divorce in stride. They may shrug, say "it's fine" and disappear into their phones or their rooms. But a calm surface can hide worry, anger and confusion. Teens understand more than younger children, which can make divorce harder for them in some ways, not easier. Here is how parents and other caring adults can help.
Every teen reacts differently, but some feelings come up again and again. Many teens feel angry at one or both parents. Some feel embarrassed in front of friends. Others worry about money, moving, changing schools or what will happen to holidays and family traditions.
Teens may also feel pressure to take care of a parent who is struggling, or to keep the peace at home. They may quietly wonder whether they could have done something to stop the breakup. Even if they do not say it, they need to hear that the divorce is not their fault and not their job to fix.
Jonathan Anthony Burkett knows what it is like for a young person to carry adult problems. In his memoir, Neglected But Undefeated, he writes that as a teenager he watched his mother and her husband argue night after night, and that they did not even eat together unless he cooked and set the table. He felt like he was the one keeping them together. When they eventually divorced, his mother blamed the divorce on him. No young person should be given that weight.
Honest, age-appropriate conversation is one of the best ways to help. Some guidelines:
The most harmful thing for many teens is being pulled into the conflict. Avoid asking your teen to deliver messages, report on the other parent's home or choose sides. Do not vent to them about your former spouse, even if they seem mature enough to handle it.
Teens may be old enough to have opinions about living arrangements and schedules, and their views deserve to be heard. But adults should make the final decisions. Rules about custody and how much weight a teen's preference carries vary by state, so a qualified family lawyer or mediator is the right person to explain your options. This article is not legal advice.
Some ups and downs are expected. Grades may slip for a while, moods may swing, and your teen may want more time with friends. But some changes deserve closer attention and possibly professional help: withdrawing from friends and activities they used to enjoy, a big drop in grades, trouble sleeping or eating, risky behavior, or signs of drinking or drug use.
Take any talk of hopelessness or self-harm seriously. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, U.S.). The same line can help a parent who is worried about a teen. Teens can call or text it themselves, too.
A school counselor, family doctor or therapist who works with young people can be a strong support. Some schools and communities offer groups for kids whose parents are separating, where teens learn they are not alone.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers and friends' parents can give a teen something steady while home life is shifting. They can offer a listening ear, a ride, a meal or simply a place where nobody is fighting.
Jonathan's own story shows how much that can matter. He writes that during his teenage years, friends' parents gave him a place to sleep and guided him away from bad influences, and counselors and therapists helped him keep going. If you are one of those adults in a teen's life, your consistency matters more than you know.
Divorce changes a family's shape, but it does not have to break a teen's sense of being loved. Stay honest, keep them out of the conflict, watch for warning signs and remind them often that both their parents' love is still there. For Jonathan's full story of growing up through family turmoil, find Neglected But Undefeated on the Books page.
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