17 Oct
2026
If you learned early that nobody was coming to help, asking for help as an adult can feel almost impossible. You would rather struggle quietly than admit you need someone. But carrying everything alone has a cost, and sooner or later most people reach a point where they cannot do it all themselves. Asking well is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned.
There are many reasons people avoid asking. Some were let down when they asked before. Some were taught that needing help means you are weak. Some worry about being a burden, or hate the idea of anyone feeling sorry for them.
Jonathan Anthony Burkett knows that reflex well. In his memoir, Neglected But Undefeated (2012), he describes sleeping on park benches as a teenager and telling a police officer who offered help that he did not need or want anyone’s help. At sixteen, when many people, including ministers, tried to reach him, he told them he did not need anyone. He also admits he hated it when people felt sorry for him. If you grew up having to survive on your own, you may recognize that same wall.
Jonathan wrote his book partly because the professionals who worked with him, including his psychiatrist, therapist and counselors, told him he needed to let it all out to move toward a better life. In the introduction, he warns that people often hide their problems by holding them in, and that loneliness can make it worse, even to the point of suicide. He says he was once very close to that point himself.
That is why asking for help is not a small thing. It can change the direction of a life. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, U.S.).
“I need help” is a big, vague sentence that is hard to say and hard to answer. It gets easier when you break it down. Do you need a ride, a place to stay for a few nights, someone to look over a form, a meal, advice, or just someone to listen? Write down the one thing that would make the biggest difference this week.
Then think about who is best placed to help with that specific thing. A friend may be perfect for a listening ear but not for medical bills. A caseworker, doctor, teacher, faith leader or counselor may have resources a friend does not. When Jonathan needed brain surgery he could not pay for, he called Marise Christophe, a hospital worker he calls his godmother, who treated him like a son and coordinated a surgeon who would not charge him. One call to the right person changed everything.
You do not need a speech. Short and honest works best. Here are some scripts you can adapt:
If one person says no, that is not proof that no one cares. It only means you need to ask someone else.
Asking is only half of it. The other half is letting people actually help once they show up. For Jonathan, that meant finally sitting with a friend’s mother who insisted he talk to her, and later seeing his therapist and psychiatrist several times a week one summer because he felt comfortable with them. Looking back on his street years, he wrote:
“During those times, friends did not become enemies; enemies became friends, giving me love and support and telling me that I was one crazy young man who needed to do better and get smarter.”
— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)
He believes that so many people knowing his situation probably kept him alive. Being known, even when it is uncomfortable, can be a form of protection.
People who ask for help are not weaker than people who don’t. They are often the ones who make it. Jonathan sums up his own story this way: “If I couldn’t get up, God had someone else come into my life to hold my hand and help me back up.”
Pick one person today and one clear thing to ask. Send the text or make the call before you talk yourself out of it. To read how the people who helped Jonathan changed his life, visit the Books page, and learn more about his journey on the About page.
Account
Cart