“I Love You”: The Words He Practiced in Silence

Three small words can feel heavier than anything else you will ever say. “I love you” opens a door that is hard to close again, and many people stand in front of that door for months or even years. Jonathan Anthony Burkett’s poem “I love you” lives in exactly that place: the love is real, but the words stay inside.

The poem

I’ve always wanted to cry holding you
Not caring what another would say
For every way you’ve made me feel
When I’d look into your eyes,
But I’d dropped my head,
Fighting every tear, and word,
I wanted to give you
Not another heartbreak
Only someone to love,
I told myself.

I love every smile, and look you give me
Every word and touch, you make me feel
Shivering with joy
An all in one, I think of you
But will you ever be my one?
I’ll ask you one day

I love you, I would practice
Night and day
I love you, I would say
But only in my mind,
Whenever she looked at me.

Crying because of all the gladness
She’d make me experience
When I’d walk the streets, thinking
Of every day, every word, every emotion
She had made me feel.

If only I could’ve had you more
With me telling you that,
I love you.

But now, all I could do
Is cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I could,
Hear the sound of your heart beating,
Telling my Father truly that
I love you.

— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)

Practicing in silence

The heart of the poem is its third stanza: “I love you, I would practice / Night and day / I love you, I would say / But only in my mind.” The speaker rehearses the words, feels them fully, and still cannot say them out loud. He drops his head and fights “every tear, and word.” Many readers will recognize that moment: looking into someone’s eyes, feeling everything, and then looking away. It is not a lack of love. It is love mixed with fear.

The poem also hints at a reason. He wanted to give “Not another heartbreak / Only someone to love.” Fear of hurting someone, or of being hurt, can freeze even the most loving person. And the ending shows the cost of that silence: “If only I could’ve had you more / With me telling you that, / I love you.”

What the memoir tells us

The memoir does not say who this poem was written for, so we will not guess. But Neglected But Undefeated (2012) does show how hard these words were for Jonathan as a young man. As a teenager he had a best friend he cared about deeply. He trembled when he greeted or hugged her, and he writes that the only time he said “I love you” was to her photographs on the walls of her house. Later, when she told him she loved him, he never said it back. He felt she deserved “a perfect man,” and he did not believe he would live past eighteen.

Long before that, his grandfather, Arnold Burkett, had given him words to hold on to: “When one man says I hate you, remember, Jack, I love you.” Years later, sleeping at bus stops and at friends’ houses, Jonathan felt envy whenever he saw a mother kiss her child and say “I love you.”

Why saying it feels so risky

If you recognize yourself in this poem, you are not alone. These are some of the most common reasons people hold back:

• Fear of rejection. If the other person does not say it back, the silence can feel unbearable.
• Fear of changing what you have. With a close friend especially, the words can feel like a gamble with the friendship.
• Feeling unworthy. Like the young man in the memoir, you may believe the other person deserves someone better.
• Not hearing it growing up. Words you rarely heard at home can be hard to say as an adult.
• Waiting for perfect timing. Stress, illness or uncertainty can make you wait for a better moment that never seems to come.

How to express love when you are scared

You do not have to jump from silence to a grand speech. Love can be expressed in steps.

Start with actions. Show up, listen and remember the small things. Love that is lived first makes the words easier to say later, and easier to believe.

Write it down. As a boy, Jonathan found that writing helped him release his feelings instead of holding everything inside. A letter or a note can say what your voice cannot manage yet.

Say it plainly, without conditions. “I love you” does not need to be followed by “Do you love me?” Let it be a gift, not a demand.

Pick a calm, private moment. You do not need candles or a speech. A quiet walk, a phone call or a drive can be enough, as long as neither of you is rushed and the other person can respond honestly.

Accept whatever comes back. The other person may need time. Their answer belongs to them.

Say it while you can

The poem’s final stanza is a quiet warning. The speaker ends up crying himself to sleep, wishing he had spoken. Regret often weighs more than rejection ever could. And “I love you” is not only for romance. Parents, children, siblings and friends often go years without hearing it from the people who feel it most.

If there is someone you have been loving in silence, a parent, a friend, a grandparent or the person you think about at night, consider telling them. It does not have to be perfect. It only has to be true. For more of Jonathan’s poems and the full story behind them, visit the books page.

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