“Reading and Realizing Now”: A Poem About Purpose After Defeat

Some people find their purpose on a mountaintop. Others find it at the bottom, when they have almost nothing left. Jonathan Anthony Burkett’s poem “Reading and Realizing Now” comes from the second place. It describes a life that felt close to defeat and the slow realization that it was made for something.

The poem

Many today are needing
Assistance, Guidance, and Deliverance
While living a puzzling, painful, perilous life

Many today are needing, sundown to sunshine
To bring back confidence, comfort, and satisfaction
In their minds and lives

I’ve been striving to become victorious
While on the verge of defeat
Reading and realizing now
My father created me
For a specific and distinct purpose
In this lifetime

Weary, Broken, and battered
Lost, hungry, cold, and afraid
The enemy had made me
However now
I’m on a pathway to victory
Feeling,
Strong, worthy, appreciated, belonging
Respected, exceedingly glad, and loved

For that one,
Gives and has all that I need
And most of all
Will never abandon me

— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)

Striving on the verge of defeat

The poem opens by looking outward. “Many today are needing / Assistance, Guidance, and Deliverance,” it says, because so many people are living “a puzzling, painful, perilous life.” Before the speaker talks about himself, he notices that he is not alone. That is a quiet kind of comfort: whatever you are facing, many others are facing something like it too.

Then the poem turns personal: “I’ve been striving to become victorious / While on the verge of defeat.” Those lines fit the life Jonathan describes in his memoir, Neglected But Undefeated. He grew up without a mother’s love, slept on the streets, in cars and in parks as a teenager, and lived for years with seizures. The fourth stanza lists how that felt: “Weary, Broken, and battered / Lost, hungry, cold, and afraid.” For a young man who knew real hunger and cold nights outside, those words are not decoration.

Reading and realizing

The turning point is a discovery: “Reading and realizing now / My father created me / For a specific and distinct purpose.” Throughout his book, Jonathan speaks of God as his Father, so the line reads as a statement of faith. He did not invent a purpose out of nothing. He came to believe it had been there all along, waiting to be recognized.

The word “reading” stands out, too. As a boy, Jonathan was not much of a reader, except for books about people going through the same pain he was. After his brain surgery in January 2006, he lived for a while in a complex by a highway with no car, no family at his side in America, no job and no money. In that season he started thinking, writing and reading his roommate’s books, something he says he had never liked doing. The poem does not say when it was written, but it captures what reading and reflection can do: they give a hurting mind new words for its own life.

From defeat to a pathway

Jonathan’s own turnaround came in steps. When he woke up after surgery, he told himself he had made it through and now had to keep his promise and change. On February 1, 2006, his nineteenth birthday, he decided to look at the day as “a new year, a new life, and a new me.” At another point, after losing both of his jobs, a frightening episode of chest pain left him on his bedroom floor, praying that he would not die before achieving at least one thing. He calls that moment his awakening.

Out of those experiences came a book, a writing life and a business. He says that after illness, near-death experiences and years of feeling unloved, he felt he had a story to share, so he began writing and became an entrepreneur. One line from his memoir sums up the mindset that followed: “I know that I have made it through trials, so now let me see if I can make it through challenges.”

The poem ends with a new list of feelings, the opposite of the first: “Strong, worthy, appreciated, belonging / Respected, exceedingly glad, and loved.” Nothing about the past changed. What changed was the direction he was facing: “However now / I’m on a pathway to victory.”

How you can find your purpose

You do not need a dramatic moment to start looking for your own purpose. You can begin today, wherever you are. Here are a few steps drawn from the poem and from Jonathan’s story:

• Start reading again. A book, a scripture or a memoir by someone who has been where you are can give you words you could not find on your own.
• Write down what you have survived. Jonathan’s purpose grew out of his story. Yours may too. List the hard things you have already made it through.
• Notice who needs help. The poem begins with people who need “Assistance, Guidance, and Deliverance.” Purpose often shows up where your pain meets someone else’s need.
• Make one promise to yourself. After surgery, Jonathan promised to change. Pick one change and commit to it this week.
• Take a small risk. His advice is direct: “Take risks, try new things, become diligent, and find new techniques.”
• Lean on faith and community. The last stanza speaks of the one who “Will never abandon me.” Find the beliefs and the people that hold you steady.

You were made for something

If you feel weary, broken or battered right now, this poem does not ask you to pretend otherwise. It simply says the feeling is not the end of the story. Jonathan was on the verge of defeat more than once, and he is still here, writing, building and encouraging others.

If you know a child who is growing up without love or care, please speak up.

If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.

You can read the full story behind this poem in Neglected But Undefeated on the Books page, and find more of his words on the Quotes page.

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