The Adults Who Step In: Teachers, Neighbors and Friends' Parents

When a child is neglected at home, the adults who matter most are sometimes not their parents at all. A teacher, a neighbor, a friend’s mom or dad, a hospital worker, even a stranger can change the direction of a young life. Jonathan Anthony Burkett’s memoir Neglected But Undefeated is full of these people, and their example shows what any caring adult can do.

Why outside adults matter so much

Jonathan was raised with love by his grandparents in Jamaica until he was six. Then he was brought to South Florida to live with a mother who neglected and abused him. Looking back, he wrote: “That’s what happens when parents don’t play their roles right in their children’s lives. They go and look for someone else to guide them in life.”

That search can lead a child toward danger, or toward someone safe. The difference is often whether a trustworthy adult is paying attention.

The adults who stepped in for Jonathan

Over the years, many people made a difference:

• A teacher who noticed. Mrs. Vigness, his elementary school teacher, saw that something was wrong, ate lunch with him in her classroom after his grandfather died, drove him home and spoke up to school officials. Her story is told more fully in its own article, but her lesson is simple: notice, and keep showing up.
• A friend’s father. When Jonathan’s mother put him out of the house at eight, a school friend’s father, a Jamaican man, let him stay and urged him every day not to go down a violent path.
• A stranger on the sidewalk. At about ten, walking to school, Jonathan had a seizure and collapsed in front of a woman’s house. She called an ambulance.
• His girlfriend’s mother. In middle school, she looked out for him with a genuine smile and food, encouraged him to honor his parents, and kept her promise to help him and her daughter attend the same high school so he would stay on track.
• A friend’s mother. When he was a teenager, sleeping in parks and feeling he had no purpose, a friend’s mother found him staring at a turned-off TV, sat down and insisted he talk to her. She shared her own childhood pain, offered him a place to stay, and encouraged him to call his mother’s husband, who came and took him home.
• Marise. A worker connected with Memorial Hospital, she helped arrange a surgeon who would not charge him for the brain surgery he needed. He calls her his godmother and wrote, “She cared for me as if I were her son, even when I was discharged from the hospital.”

In his acknowledgments, Jonathan also thanks friends’ parents who guided him away from bad influences, and strangers who gave him food and love while he was on the streets, wanting nothing in return.

What you can do for a child who needs it

You do not need special training to make a difference. Here is what the adults in Jonathan’s life did, and what you can do too:

1. Notice. Pay attention to children who are often hungry, wear the same clothes, have unexplained injuries, seem afraid to go home or suddenly withdraw.
2. Make time to listen. Sit down, ask how they are really doing and let them talk without rushing to fix things.
3. Offer something practical. A meal, a ride, a quiet place to do homework, a shower or laundry can mean more than you know.
4. Be consistent. Trust grows when a child sees that you keep showing up, week after week.
5. Encourage their future. Help with school, praise their efforts and talk about their goals.
6. Report your concerns. You do not need proof to make a report. Trained professionals will look into it.

When to call for help

If you believe a child is being abused or neglected, do not keep it to yourself. If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453, and counselors there can talk through what you have seen and help you find the right agency to contact. Teachers and many other professionals may also have a legal duty to report, so check what applies where you live and work.

Try not to promise a child that you will keep everything secret. Instead, tell them you care and that you will help find people who can keep them safe.

You may be someone’s turning point

Jonathan’s acknowledgments read like a thank-you list to the people who stepped in: grandparents, nurses and doctors, friends’ parents, pastors and strangers. None of them could fix everything. But together, they helped a neglected boy grow into a man who wrote a book so others would feel less alone.

The next time you notice a child who seems to be struggling, remember that a small act from you could be the one they remember for life. To read Jonathan’s full story, visit the books page.

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