17 Oct
2026
When people talk about first love, they usually talk about the two people in it. When I think about mine, I also think about the people around us: the friend who saw it before we did, and the mother who opened her door and her kitchen to a boy who needed both.
In January 2001, early in middle school, I met a girl at church who became my first love. At first, we were always fighting and saying how much we hated each other.
A friend of ours saw something we didn't. He noticed we couldn't keep our eyes off each other and that we smiled after every fight. He told us to just admit we liked each other. We looked at each other and knew he was right.
So I asked her to be my girl. She said yes, and then we just walked away from each other. As I wrote in my memoir Neglected But Undefeated: "Weird, I know." She had a boyfriend at the time, but she eventually broke up with him so she could be with me, and that made me feel really good.
At that point in my life, home was a hard place. My mother didn't care where I was or what I was doing, as long as I wasn't around her. I was desperate to be loved and to love someone.
If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.
With her, I began to feel better because I had someone to hold me and care for me. I wrote it simply in the book: "I was hungry for happiness to come back into my life."
We were young, and I knew it. Still, I believed we had something many couples are missing:
"We were young, yes, and had not developed real emotions for each other as of yet. But we were giving our relationship what so many relationships nowadays lack, and that is time."
— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated
I also became close to her mother. She looked out for me, whether she was giving me a genuine smile, food or anything else she could provide. For a boy who often went without at home, that meant more than she probably knew.
She also kept a promise to me. She said she would try her hardest to get her daughter and me into the same high school. After ninth grade, she kept her word, and we went to the same school, where my girlfriend could help me stay out of trouble and finish my schoolwork.
We stayed a couple through all of middle school, even though we went to different schools. We went to the same church and had the same friends. We kept our relationship mostly private and only told her mother, so we could spend more time together.
We went to the movies, went shopping and had nights out, though honestly, most of it was really for her. My favorite memory is the day we went to Rapids Water Park in West Palm Beach and went down the huge waterslides together. Of everything we did, that day is the one I still think about.
That relationship eventually ended, and I have written about the heartbreak before. This time I want to honor the people around it, because they taught me what welcome looks like. If you are a parent whose child brings home a friend or a first love from a hard home, here is what I learned from being that kid:
Looking back, I still consider her my first love. We were young, but we gave each other time, and her family gave me a place to feel wanted. Both of those were gifts.
If you want to read more about my first love and my teenage years, you can find Neglected But Undefeated on my Books page, along with my Friends 2 Lovers novels about friendship turning into love. And if a young person in your life keeps showing up at your door, give them a real smile and a plate of food. You may be the family they remember.
Account
Cart