17 Oct
2026
The class clown, the kid who talks back, the child who cannot sit still: it is easy to see only the behavior and miss the child. Sometimes acting out is ordinary growing up. Sometimes it is a signal that something is wrong at home or inside. This guide is for teachers, parents and any adult who wants to look past the behavior and find the hurt beneath it.
If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.
Children often do not have the words to explain fear, grief or pain. What they cannot say, they may show. A child who is angry, loud, withdrawn or constantly testing limits may be telling you, in the only way they know, that they need help.
This does not mean every misbehaving child is being harmed. Kids act out for many reasons, including boredom, learning differences, hunger, tiredness or big changes at home. But when you treat behavior as a message instead of only a problem, you are far more likely to find out what is really going on.
Jonathan Anthony Burkett's memoir, Neglected But Undefeated, gives a clear picture of a child whose behavior hid deep pain. After moving from Jamaica to Miami at six, he lived with a mother who abused and neglected him. At school, he became the boy who made everyone laugh. He brought home good grades, but his interim reports also showed bad behavior.
School was the one place he felt free. Looking back, he writes, "School became my Chuck E. Cheese’s." His jokes and pranks were not only mischief. They were a way to be a kid in the one place where he could be.
When his beloved grandfather died, his behavior changed in the other direction. He writes that he went from being known as "a loudmouthed troublemaker, a mean-faced little boy" to "a quiet, sad-looking young boy," as tears streamed down his face. Both versions of him were signals. The loud boy and the quiet boy were the same hurting child.
No single sign proves a child is being harmed, but patterns deserve attention. Watch for:
When a child acts out, stay calm and keep your voice steady. Set clear limits, but avoid shaming or embarrassing them in front of others. A child who is already hurting at home may feel crushed by public humiliation.
Later, find a quiet moment to check in. Try, "You seemed upset today. Is everything okay?" or "I've noticed you've been really quiet lately. I'm here if you want to talk." Then listen. Do not push for details or promise to keep secrets you cannot keep.
Jonathan observed in his memoir that children who lack guidance at home often look elsewhere for it: "That’s what happens when parents don’t play their roles right in their children’s lives. They go and look for someone else to guide them in life." Your steady presence can be that guidance.
For Jonathan, the turning point was a teacher who made room for him. After his grandfather died, Mrs. Vigness told him she would listen, "not as a teacher but as a friend," and for the rest of the school year she had him eat lunch with her so she could talk with him and try to help. She also spoke up for him with school counselors.
You do not need a perfect program to do something similar. Greet the child by name. Notice their effort. Offer a quiet space or a small job that makes them feel trusted. Keep showing up, even when they push back. Trust often grows slowly in children who have learned that adults can be unpredictable.
If a child tells you they are being hurt, or you see signs that make you reasonably worried, report it to your state child abuse hotline or child protective services. Teachers and many other professionals are required by law to report, and you do not need proof. Follow your school's procedures, but do not let them delay a call when a child's safety is at stake.
Looking for the hurt behind the behavior can change a child's life. To read how Jonathan survived and rose above his childhood, find Neglected But Undefeated on the Books page.
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