“I’ve Asked Myself”: A Poem About Being Made to Inspire

Some questions are so heavy that most people never say them out loud. Jonathan Anthony Burkett's short poem “I’ve asked myself,” from his memoir Neglected But Undefeated (2012), opens with one of them. But it doesn't stay there. In ten lines it travels from a question about death to a question about purpose, and that journey is worth slowing down for.

The poem

Why am I not dead yet
I’ve asked myself
Is it because I’ve decided to fight
And no longer run
Face it and now back down

I feel that I am a miracle
How am I here today?
Why am I here today?
Am I just a target, for the enemy in life?
Or was I made to be an inspiring and encouraging story for the world?

— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated (2012)

A hard question, asked honestly

The poem begins with a question about why he is still alive. That is not a comfortable way to open a poem, and it isn't meant to be. In his memoir, Jonathan wrote openly about years of suicidal thoughts, and about what kept pulling him back: his two little brothers, his grandmother, and a promise to his grandfather that he would make something of his life.

Asking a hard question is not the same as giving up. Sometimes writing the question down is what keeps it from growing in the dark. If questions like this have been on your mind, please don't hold them alone.

If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, U.S.).

You can also tell one person you trust today. You don't need the perfect words. I'm not okay is enough to start.

Fight instead of run

Look at the answer the poem offers to its own first question: “Is it because I’ve decided to fight” and no longer run. That idea came to Jonathan long before he wrote this poem. As a little boy in Westmoreland, Jamaica, he sat on the lap of his grandfather, Arnold Burkett, whom everyone called “Doctor.” His grandfather told him: “Do not run from any man or problems or else many more may come your way. So face them all, one at a time.”

Fighting, in this sense, doesn't mean fists. It means staying. It means facing the next problem instead of disappearing from it. For Jonathan that meant years of seizures, nights without a home, and finally brain surgery in January 2006. He didn't face those things perfectly, but he kept facing them.

“I feel that I am a miracle”

The second stanza shifts from struggle to wonder. “I feel that I am a miracle,” he writes, and then asks how and why he is here today. Those aren't questions of despair anymore. They are the questions of someone who has survived things he didn't expect to survive and is trying to understand what that means.

He also asks whether he is just “a target, for the enemy in life.” Anyone who has had trouble follow them from one season to the next knows that feeling. In his memoir he wrote, “Trouble just kept finding its way into my life.” The poem holds that feeling honestly, and then refuses to let it be the final answer.

Made to be an inspiring story

The last line is the turning point: “Or was I made to be an inspiring and encouraging story for the world?” The poem leaves it as a question. Jonathan's life since then reads like his answer. After illness, near-death experiences and years of feeling unloved, he wrote that he felt he had a story to share. He began writing and became an entrepreneur, and today he shares his story through books, poems and music.

One of his own lines puts it simply: “I live to inspire, not start the fire.” The same pain that once made him ask why he was still here became the material he uses to encourage other people.

That is not a promise that pain always turns into something good. It is an invitation to ask a different question about your own life. Not only why did this happen to me? but also who could this help?

Jonathan's answer took time. He didn't wake up one morning as an author and music artist. He kept writing in notebooks, kept facing what was in front of him, and kept believing his story might matter to someone. Your answer can take time too. The point is to keep the question open long enough for life to start answering it.

Questions to ask yourself

You can use this poem as a writing prompt. Take a few minutes with a notebook and answer these as honestly as you can:

• What have I already survived that I once thought I couldn't?
• Where have I been running, and what would it look like to face it instead?
• What is one problem I can face today, just one?
• Who in my life might need to hear what I've been through?
• If my story encouraged one person, what would I want them to take from it?

You don't need finished answers. Like the poem, you can end on a question and still be moving in the right direction.

The full story behind this poem is in Neglected But Undefeated, which you can find on Jonathan's Books page. For more of his words on faith and getting back up, visit his Quotes page. And if today feels heavy, reach out to one person before the day ends.

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